Being a female and bi-polar II can really suck. I recently started on lamictyl which is the first med I have ever been on that works without serious side effects. But when it is that time of the month I have to cut the dose in half (not sure why but that is what my Doctor and Pharmacist instructed) so I am a little manic this week along with all the other blessings of menstruation. So to try to compensate for the lower dose mood stabilizer I am talking a half dose of xanax as needed and it seems to calm me down. I am feeling a bit manic without it and have to keep stopping myself from doing stupid things like obessively calling/texting my boyfriend cause I actually like him and dont want to lose him. This is my first healthy relationship (possibly ever) and the first since I have been on the new med. In prior relationships I would put in way too much effort cause I honestly thought that was what you should do (My parents never ever gave me any dating advice aside from don't ride with anyone who is drinking) so calling to make plans well in advance adn texting to say stuff like "I miss you" or "you are great" was the norm for me. I should have realized that is a bit annoying to the other person and I am doing my best to take things one day at a time and let him contact me the majority of the time-and it seems to be working! While I am a very independent person who really likes living with only two cats I really like having a boyfriend in my life who I can spend part of the week with-I also like to spend time with the cats and no one else-a far cry from the girl who was terrified of not having weekend plans and hung out with jerks for friends because I actually thought it was better than being alone. Now I like a good mix of hanging out with friends, boyfriend and spending some nights at home with just me and the cats. I just wish I hadn't taken me 33 years to come to this realization. While I love my parents and think they are great people I also realized that they shielded me from reality and did not let me realize how cruel the world can be and that the only guarantee in life is change. They never told me what to do in regards to dating and supported me too much, emotionally, to the point where I was not a real adult til my late 20's and am still struggling to come to terms with what the world really is like compared to the suburban shelter of happiness they deluded me into thinking was reality.

Sorry for the rambling paragraph but I just needed to vent.