Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
My h and I went to a Jewish deli for the first time about 1 month ago, and i noticed alot of things on the menu that i couldn't pronounce and didn't know what they were. So since my t is Jewish, I asked her on one of my sessions what some of the Jewish foods were. As she was telling me, we got on the subject of matzoh balls. She told me she was going to be making some for an upcoming holiday and (what I heard was), "I'll bring you one when I make them so you can see what they taste like. Here (reaching for her I-phone). I'll even set an alarm to go off so I'll be reminded."
So. . .I email her on Monday, and she replies saying, "Please understand that I'm not at work. I'm at home preparing for a holiday. We'll have to address your question at the next session."
Well. . .I was grateful that she let me know, but I wondered. . .if she's going to reply anyway, why not just answer the question i had  . So i felt kind of put off.
So anyway. . .I go on my session yesterday, and we talk about how I felt kind of hurt that she didn't reply to the question I'd asked in my email. I told her (I've said this to her a few times) that she has been gone so much of the time, that I've had a hard time adjusting to her not being there for support. (She has taken off 4 weeks off since beg. of December, and has 3 more weeks planned for May and July). She said, "Well, I know i told you that i had a holiday coming up because we talked about matzoh balls, remember?" And I said, Yes. But she didn't give me a matzoh ball, and didn't mention anything about it. I didn't want to put her on the spot and ask, "So, did you bring me one?" So I just stayed quiet about it. I thought maybe when the session ended and I got ready to go, she'd give it to me. But she never did.
So today, it was sort of bothering me. I felt like she'd forgotten about me. (My biggest trigger is feeling unimportant/invisible/forgotten). So i emailed and asked her if she was going to give me a matzoh ball or if i had misunderstood?
She replied with, "What I said was that i would bring you one if there were any left over. There were not. I'll bring you one the next time i make them."
Would you feel bad???? |
Yes I would feel very upset if my T talked to me in this way and acted like she was allowed to say and do what she wanted towards me and that I was not allowed to question it without getting a negative reaction. I think it's understandable that you felt the way you did
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If she said she was going to give you one of these Matzoh balls then she should have done so, I doubt it would have been hard for her to set one aside for you or make an extra one for you, if she had already made the suggestion she would give you one!
When she said "I'll bring you one when I next make them" I think in your situation I would have felt like saying "Don't bother!! I don't need to wait for you to decide to remember me next time!! Just don't tell me you will do something and then react bad when i question you for not keeping to your word"
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I think she could have answered your question a bit nicer even via the email. Sometimes T don't want to answer questions Via text or email as they feel it's important to really talk about it face to face but all she needed to say was something like, "I understand this is important to you, so if it's ok I think we should wait to talk about it together at our next session"......not talking about how shes preparing for a holiday - as if that is more important than you. I would be very hurt.
Do you think you could address these issues with her? I know you tried to with the email and she even responded to that by turning it back on you but I think you need to be very direct with her and not let her make you feel you are in the wrong here because she is involved in your theraputic relationship!