I do not think that admitting that you are not happy is selfish. I think it is selfish to stay with someone out of guilt.. as you are preventing them from pursuing a passionate love of their own. It sounds like your husband is terrified of change, and maybe you are too. You say that when you got married you did not love him. So, my question for you is what would it take to make you walk away and try to find love? Would it take seventeen years? Eighteen? Twenty three? How many years do you need to put in before you realize that you deserve to be loved too?