You're right in every way and Im not proud of myself for thinking and feeling this way. I need to find a safer and better outlet so I can start my life all over again. It is so scary to readjust to a different life. Im cutting ties from my family and I'm about to do the same with my bf. I'm moving into a new place where I'm renting the room for a 1yr lease. Its just so hard when I'm leaving everything behind, something that has been a big part of my life. It is hard to walk away even though it is a cycle of desperation, physical and emotional abuse (my family), and finally having to face my own fears of being alone. He showed me alot when he refused to take the over the counter drug test and he back out and refused to take them.