(((((((((((zoo))))))))))!!

I haven't been able to get on much lately, but just hopped on and saw this....

First of all..ugh! For me, one of the WORST things in the world are those triggers that pop up out of nowhere. It's scary and makes me feel so vulnerable and powerless. I'm REALLY sorry that you're in that place.

You said in your message that T took some time to take care of herself, and that that was good modeling. I think that right NOW is a good time for YOU to take care of yourself. If that means setting the book aside, not doing the paper, and finding a way to get grounded, than that's what you need to do.

I've learned from T that I do NOT have to push myself all the time. If something is too much, it's too much. It just is what it is. Just because something is triggering right now doesn't mean it will always be triggering. This is where you are, and it's okay.

If I were in your shoes, I would literally put the book away, walk away from it, and make a decision to let it go for tonight. There are all kinds of possibilities - maybe turning it in late for partial credit, maybe explaining the situation to the professor, maybe taking a zero for the assignment, maybe something else. You don't have to figure it out right now. Right now, you have to breathe, and find yourself, and be in NOW. Right now, you are safe and cared for. Right now, you are strong and healing.

Can you do something totally different...bake cookies with the kids, watch a movie, step outside for air, do jumping jacks, call a friend...and promise yourself you will call T in the morning?

Let yourself take care of yourself. You deserve that. You are more important than an assignment.

Be gentle with you.