It sounds like you are having flashbacks. Flashbacks feel hallucinatory and real at the same time--it's like reliving an event.

You are describiing several symptoms of PTSD, flashbacks being one of them. Nightmares are another. The feeling of 'derealization' (not knowing what's real and what isn't) is another. Angry outbursts and bouts of depression are two more.

If you aren't seeing a therapist already, I hope you make an appointment ASAP. PTSD is treatable and in many cases it can be almost completely cured. It takes from 2 to 7 seven years depending on the severity of the trauma, how long ago it happened, and for how long it happened.

I was in therapy for PTSD for about four years. I have to go back off and on if it flares. I'm also left with recurring major depression and take meds for that. At first, I felt like you do now--like, what is real here? After years in therapy I was able to piece together enough of what I was sure of that I didn't have to keep asking myself that question. It because clear that even if some memories were distorted or not even memories, the jist of it was pretty bad and would have left anyone with emotional issues.

My memories flooded in after my dad died. It was debilitating. I was like a stranger in my own life. But with the right help it DOES get much better.

Good luck! Please come back and tell us you're in therapy or working on it.