Oh Bella. That's an awful place to be in. I'm so sorry that you have to suffer like this.
You can always come and talk here. I have found that this place has helped me alot. I have a way to keep my mind a bit occupied. Even just by reading others posts and writing something to help them. Or telling people how bad I feel. It really helps alot. Gives me less time to think. Thinking is very dangerous for me. Although I sometimes get into that place where I can't even get the energy or passion to come and turn the computer on. I would just rather lay down and can't even be bothered eating.
I hope you feel better soon.
Hang in there. You're a special person.
Love Estee