Quote:
Originally Posted by madisgram
well first of all we can't change the alcoholic or drug addict. only they can. nothing we try will work.
secondly, if i found myself in this situation, even with a sib, i'd tell him he has to find another place to live and give him a written deadline. if you live in the states, if you post the time he must leave on his bedroom door, you can evict him legally.(check laws in your state.) you do not have to live in fear for your safety. right now your letting him live with you is enabling him. it rids him of being responsible while he drinks. he won't hit bottom if you participate in allowing him to live there.
hope this helps. i think you already know what you need to do. tough love may actually help him more. you on the other hand would benefit attending Al-anon.
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If it were only so simple. I am unemployed at the moment, and living back in the house with my mother, where he had never moved from. I have no legal say in his residence here. This is why I'm in such a problematic situation. Secondly, I spent 14 months in an inpatient rehab facility, I know plenty about the 12 step program and have encouraged him to participate, he refuses on the grounds that he is an atheist and will not acknowledge a higher power. I have tried all of the skills I learned from my time and subsequent recovery from addiction and am clean for over 8 years. I personally have found ways to live my life without the need for AA meetings or any sort of sponsor, and it works for me. AA is not the only path that one can walk for recovery.
I only brought this to the forums because I am literally at the end of my rope. I cannot move out, and I cannot evict him. I am trapped with an alcoholic that I am watching get progressively worse, and watching my own life degrade with his. We almost came to fists last night, and neither of us are small guys. I am worried that I will have to bring legal aid into this in the future, but I don't want to give my own brother a legal record, so I'm trying to figure out ways to avoid that happening. I don't believe that statement that WE cannot help change the addict. AA is simply a collection of "we's" anyway. I am not prepared to watch my brother hit rock bottom and possibly kill himself in the process, and will not sit idly by as the codex of AA calls for. It's a mix of frustration, anger, fear, and love that he's putting me through, and it's taking its toll on my own mental well-being.
So I don't have the choice to ignore him, I don't have the choice to evict him, and I can't logically think that the best way to help him is to let him destroy himself further. When I woke up this morning I felt reinvigorated to get back on my feet and get out of this house. I started making some phonecalls to friends and looking online for a cheap place to stay. I'm honestly worried though that if I move out he's only going to get worse, and I may never be able to really have a healthy relationship with him. Perhaps this post was more about his addictions putting me in an uncomfortable place than the toll they're taking on him, but I just don't know what to do or where to turn anymore.