((((((( HUGS ))))))) Bella -

I believe YOU that you do not really want to DIE, but the deep rooted wounds that lie within you do - they want the pain to stop, hence the DEATH wish.... I say this for I too am where you are and I am working so hard to remain here in the world long enough resolve the inner past that haunts me and my will to live....
it will take time, medicine and lots a therapy, but together we can do it.... hang in there and talk (vent) on here as you need - venting is the release valve to our emotional well being.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -