I most definitely think it is okay to hate your abusers. When I think about them or talk about them hate is the only word I can think of to use. The key is to work with a therapist on your abuse issues and not let them control your life. I also believe that only the person that was abused can help themselves. It has to be their choice. Personally, I never intend to stop hating these people because in a way it helps me to not take on the guilt myself. I don't dwell on it -the hatred- but I do work with a counselor. Forgive? Not a chance. Not in a million years. But then my abusers were not family. I think the only thing you can do is encourage him to see a therapist. He has to do the rest.