After having a nightmare last night/early this morning I came on line for a bit while listening to the tape my therapist had made during my last session and then went back to sleep while listening to the going to sleep part of the tape.

Suddenly I hear the phone through a happy dream of me and my siblings as children playing with a large white bird.

Swan or goose? and where! would that possibly come from were my thoughts as I answered the phone. my therapist returning my scheduling appointment call. I said good morning and we set up the next relaxation exercise/recording session while thoughts of this white bird dream and the emotion that I was happy in the dream was mixing and trying to match with all the morning voices of becoming aware of my surrounding went on and she gives me a by the way heard from (my sons name) therapist -

in the next 30 days they are hoping to move him from the residential facility to a therapeutic foster care setting. No visits planned yet they want him to have time to adjust (which I know means the move, the less slightly less structured and secure (lock down type) setting, the new program.) but he is ready to leave the main facility.

Not getting ahead of myself this move could mean a few things - the foster care system ran out of funds for his treatment so need to downgrade his care for a few months until the new fiscal year funding goes through, or it could actually mean he has met some or all of his goals for release and is not in suicidal, attack others or actively running away state of mind, and his meds are adjusted.

I am choosing until my therapist actually sees his therapy report to believe the latter - that my boy is finally on stable ground after 4 treatment centers since June 2005 and is once again able to be maintained in a therapeutic foster care setting where visitation can take place once he knows the routine, foster parents and they can be sure he isn't going to try and hurt himself, me or run during a visit. My boy is one step closer to being ready for visitation.

And then top this off with coming here and opening my in box and finding LMO's joyful pm about my post in depression on my suicidal thoughts and actions

LMO I am printing that out and I have a color printer so it will remain as joyful and colorful as you gave it to me and am putting it on the same paper that has the paragraph that the friend who succeeded in her suicidal attempt that I carry at all times. Thank you so much for that pm.

((((((LMO))))))