*****Long and possibly Triggering!*****

Hey guys

I am just feeling a bit crap at the moment. I am on a 2 week break from Therapy because of easter, I have 1 more week to go from tomorrow.
I feel very alone and scared about my life. I hate that my life is worthless without 50 minutes with someone who only cares on a professional level - it makes me feel pathetic. I have friends and other people in my life but it's not enough.
I have talked to my T about how i'm feeling and stuff.

What's even scarier is that my T has been talking of ending lately (we only started just over a year ago, although i seen her for about 7 months a few years ago). I am 99% sure I will have lost her by the end of this year. No one ever hangs around for long in my support system.

when at school I spoke to a teacher who was lovely for the first while and then decided to stop speakng to me; I then seen my current counsellor when she worked for a Therapy service, however this was only short term and after 7 months I lost her also. A few months later i got a mental health worker who I had for about 11 months and then she was removed without any say on my behalf and I never saw her again. she was replaced by another worker who I still have but who is constantly off and I am lucky if I see her for 30mins once a month. And now my current T, who I adore (the same one I saw for 7 months) will be gone soon enough too.......I know deep down its probably not a reflection on me, its just how they all work but I can't help but feel I must be the most awful person in the world because no one stays around. I know when my current T ends that I will have to go in search of someone new and start again....only to loose them probably as soon as I get comfortable.

Sometimes it's just very hard to keep going I'm worried that if I let myself feel too down this week that I will go into my next session either angry or very upset and I dont want that either.

I don't wish to contact my T between sessions because it wont help anyway and I know she needs a break.

I really am just ranting because there's nothing anyone can really do. I wish I could have a bug hug and cry on someones shoulder.