</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Could it be that your obsession with Dr. Bob is a safer way to deal with a need or obsession related to someone else in your life? Could Dr. Bob represent a father-figure who, if he only approves of you and likes you, would make everything "all better." This is a common transference/projection.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I'm not obsessed with anyone else in my life. So I don't know about that. I think it is possible that he represents someone who can make things "all better for me" if only he approves of me. I don't know why this is though. I certainly don't have this kind of feeling towards my Dad. I don't care what my Dad thinks and I don't seek any form of affection from him and I don't give affection either. We are not the most affectionate family. I don't think I've ever hugged anyone in my family. We certainly don't talk about love or anything.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Perhaps that's exactly why you might be doing this. We all need to feel loved, to feel safe, to feel protected, to feel special to those who matter to us. It's a basic human need. And if your family is not good at expressing this, then even if you don't seem to feel the void, it's still a void that needs to be filled in some way.

I have a dad who was never affectionate, never told me he loved me, and never seemed to even like kids. It was horrible for me to try so hard to "win" or "earn" his approval/love and to never succeed. Figuring that out has helped me to see when I seek approval from other male authority figures and how that's not healthy or ultimately satisfying for me. I'm blessed, though, with a large number of other family members in my extended family who openly express love and caring. I tend to just soak that up like a sponge when I see them. It helps to fill that void.

I was like you, too, I think, when I was much younger. I didn't really "care" consicously that my father was not affectionate, and I was not towards him or many others, either. I was usually pretty angry with him.

Discovering that void was very painful for me. But it's gotten better, though. And now that I've made some good progress on all the ineffective ways I've been trying to fill it, I've actually begun to find it being filled by those I never expected. My father included.

Okay, that's way more information than necessary. (all that is really fresh for me, so it sort of spills out sometimes).

But maybe, just maybe, this might be going on with you, too?

You seem to have a very big void in feeling cared for. I hope that you find that void start to fill with real, authentic, and meaningful expressions of caring.

(((((Greenleaves)))))

gg