Being back in therapy is hard. It stirs up my old stuff and then I need T.

It's like a Catch 22. I need to and want to heal. AND it's too freaking hard. Seeing him for only an hour a week is hard. Having all of my "stuff" bouncing around in my head is hard.

I love him and I miss him and I need him.

Just, blah. I know I've come SO FAR since I started therapy, but I feel impatient. I want to feel okay, NOW. Now, now, now.

Going from 2 1/2 hours a week of therapy to one hour a week of therapy feels like a huge giant adjustment. T told me that he is listening for signs of how I'm doing. I'm surviving, but I want to be doing BETTER.

He said in my message that this is probably the hardest point I've been at in therapy. And I thought "oh my GOSH" because we have been through some really, REALLY hard stuff. I guess it validates how I'm feeling, but it also makes how I'm feeling TOO REAL. I almost wish he'd say "this is FINE, really!". I just want him to make everything okay. My ultimate ongoing therapy wish.