I guess I'm feeling differently about my relationship with my T and my own role in any ruptures we may have. In the past I was driven nearly frantic by the idea that she would leave me, and when problems arose I did and said and thought anything, including thinking that it was all my own fault, in order to fix the rupture.

Increasingly, though, I feel that, while I believe my T is very good at her job and that she has my best interest at heart, she does not always treat me fairly. I get mixed messages from her and that is very, very hard for me to process and to know how to move forward with any course of action.

I'm once again at the point of not wanting to go to my next session, and normally I would remind myself to practice willingness and open up to T. I am starting to wonder, though, if it wouldn't be better, more healing, for me to shut myself off from T, tell her why, and move on with my life.