Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauru
Thanks all for your kind words. I have been off site for the past couple of days. Trying to be happy and look happy. I have found myself looking at some not so healthy sites on the web. Those pro self harm sites and such. This is a big trigger for me and a huge sign of a impending depression. Plus I want to do the drink till you pass out thing. Maybe I just want my T's attention. Maybe. I see her Tuesday, so I hope I make it till then. I hope T shows up and doesn't forget me again.
I'm sad and tired and I want to check out for a while. Just not feel or think. I guess I should tell my T. But what if it is just to get attention. What if she doesn't care or doesn't take me seriously? What if I really am getting depressed. Should I talk about it in T or just let it slide? I could wait a little longer to see if this stuff runs it's course and fades away on it's own. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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I think, of course, you want T's attention. But I wonder if there is a healthier means of doing so? I think it's very important to talk to her about how this made you feel. This would be a huge step of you taking control in your life, and not allowing her mistake to control you.
I'm not sure she doesn't care, but I'm also not sure of your past relationship with your T. Is this typical of her?
One of the hardest things is that T's ARE human. I had significant things come up in my life and flat forgot about a scheduled appointment before. Professional? Not at all. Human, yes. But that was all on ME. My issues, something in my life, and wasn't at all to do with how much I cared for my client.
As a personal example: Just this past week I've worked hard to repair ruptures because I was out sick as a dog for 3 days and having to reschedule. My clients worried it was them. No, it was me. I struggle with a physical disability, medical proceedures, intense medications, and so forth and my body just flat gives out sometimes. It has nothing to do with my clients. I'm just human, thus I fail at times. But I would always, always want to hear how this impacts my clients. Because that gives them a chance to be heard, and me a chance to explain the actions so they can see it wasn't me trying to hurt them.
If you choose to let it "run it's course", that's an option. I just would hope there is no unhealthy/harmful behaviors. If you need T, you need her. Either way, even if it can run it's course, a discussion seems necessary. For you and for her.