I think transference can be a positive thing in therapy—at least it was for me with my previous T. I started going to her when I was having a difficult time with my then-partner and deciding whether or not to end the relationship. At that stage of my life, I was felt completely dead inside—emotionally, relationally, sexually. Then, all of a sudden, I started going to T, I started getting my feelings validated, and I began to awaken. After about a month, I realized that I could FEEL again, that I could enjoy the little things again, and that there were women out there (like my T) who were attractive, intelligent, and caring— who could make me feel things. I knew (of course) that nothing could ever happen between my T and I, but having this attraction to her made me realize that I needed to feel that again—I needed to experience that feeling of attraction, desire, and excitement again. I needed to fall in love again. And I was definitely not in love with my current partner. The way I felt about my T was a way I would never feel about my partner. That made me realize that I needed to end my relationship and that, someday, I would meet another woman (not my T) who would make me feel that way—and would feel that way about me. Thus, for me, having erotic transference for my T gave me the courage I needed to end a bad relationship.
However, I never told my T about my transference. I only saw her for a short time and I made the calculated decision that it was better for me not to disclose my transference. Had I done so, I’m not sure how she would have reacted or whether my experience would have been as positive—or, alternatively, even more positive.
After she left, I got a new T, who I do not have erotic transference with. Therapy is slightly less titillating (no pun intended), however, after a year, I am realizing that I am starting to experience maternal transference with my current T. I don’t have a mom and I have never experienced that kind of maternal affection. While my T only rarely goes into maternal mode, when she does, it begins to fill this expansive void inside of me. It’s truly the most incredible feeling. It makes me want to just cuddle up to her like I’m a little girl. (Of course I can’t ACTUALLY cuddle with my therapist—though I fully admit I wish I could). My T simply makes me feel safe, protected and nurtured in a way I’ve never experienced; in the way I suspect a daughter would feel about her mother.
Once again, though, I have not discussed these feelings with my current T. I’ve considered doing so, but am afraid that they may freak her out or cause her to pull away from me. I’m afraid she’ll be concerned that I’m becoming too attached to her and not want to fuel my attachment. It would absolutely devastate me if I felt her pull away from me just when I’m starting to feel so close to her.