{{{{{{hazeleyes}}}}}

I can really feel your distress. A lot of what you wrote was pretty much how I felt maybe 2 weeks ago. I'm also on leave from work and everytime I went to pdoc it seemed he just gave me more meds or increased dosages that made me feel sicker.

I mainly made a circuit in my apartment from bed to kitchen, feed cat, eat some sort of breakfast (or nothing), take morning meds, back to bed, until I couldn't stand that any longer and basically repeated that. Never peeked outside for DAYS errrrr, maybe even weeks.

I honestly was at the point that I felt I would never recover. I was scared about money and even if I did go back to work, anxious about how my supervisor will view me.

Then I went out last week a couple of times, once to see a movie with my Mother that she very much wanted to see. I didn't think I could get out of bed and taking a shower/washing my hair was akin to climbing Mt. Everest. But I didn't want to let my Mother down. So I did...and felt wonderful!

Went to see my T. yesterday then had dinner/visited with my mother and again felt good.

So there is definitely some interaction between feeling badly and getting outside. I'm not saying it's a cure but to start a day feeling the way I've been feeling for 3 months and just "happen" to feel better by the afternoon is interesting.

Oh, and mood swings - during my worst time, I went to a friend's graduation party and spent my time either talking with friends, enjoying the party, or breaking into tears.

I know just saying "hang in there" sounds so trite, but just having come out of the darkness I can believe it for you too!!!!

*HUGS*