Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
She says things to make me feel valuable and that she cares. . .but right on the heels of it, she says or does something that (to me) indicates the opposite . . .that i am unimportant....
I can't understand why she can do 10 things that make me feel valued and good, but then she will say or do 1 thing that hurts, and it will feels like it counteracts all the previous good things and makes them null and void.
|
Something that's been really hard for me to learn with T is that it's not black and white....I've had a lot of closeness followed by ruptures, too, and I know how painful and confusing it is.
What I'm slowly slowly learning is that T's "misses" don't undo the good things he's done. I'm learning that he can care deeply for me AND make really stupid mistakes that hurt my feelings. One doesn't cancel out the other.
I love my kids SO much, and I would do anything for them. AND I make mistakes. The mistakes I make don't change the caring I feel for them. They don't change how much I love them. I'm just human, and we're together all the time, and I'm going to have a lot of chances to make mistakes.
T told me recently when we had a bunch of painful misses in a row that BECAUSE our relationship is so intimate, because we work SO closely together, there are simply more opportunities for "misses". If I saw him once a month for an hour, we'd probably have less misunderstandings than if I see him every week for 2 1/2 hours, and have lots of contact in between. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the level of contact we have...it just means that we have more chances for success AND for mistakes.
What if you think about it this way? I love my T. And I make mistakes in my T relationship. The mistakes I make don't change how I feel about him. I'm just human. T is just human.
I don't know if that helps, because I know it's hard to really OWN that when you're feeling so unsure...it's hard for me too when I'm feeling unsure...but I do think it's the truth.
