dear beautiful ~ i am so familiar with how U feel that i feel useless in offering advice. I do know how it is to work for the mental health service, all the while needing those same services. The good part of this is that you come much closer to knowing how your patients feel and what to say to them, than do people who have not experienced this level of depression. In that way, you can offer superior service to others. Have U thought of calling hotline #'s for someone to talk to? Also, the above advice of printing out your note for your therapist to read sounds excellent. I know how hard it is to rely on the positive when you are feeling so negative, but i feel that belief in higher power is most important to achieve for peace of mind. Your tendency to self isolate mirrors my own. Again, however, this tends to only make things worse, as we stay alone and ruminate on our own problems. Reaching out to help others takes our minds off ourselves and keeps these negative reflections from becoming habitual. How often I have "hoo-hawed" , with my puny BS degree in psychology, and my diagnosed major depression, the advice of my good father, who has, without benefit of treatment of any kind, saved himself from depression by doing the following: "count your blessings;" and "get out among people." It doesn't sound like it would be that helpful, but if you can do it, i sincerely believe that it is.