Lately I've been feeling like %#@&#!. I had even had thoughts of suicide because of my obsessive thinking about what happen to my mother as she was dying right in front of my eyes at the hospital. This happen on Feb. 24th of 2004 so you can understand why i'm obsessing about this so much because it's right around the corner.

I'm getting fed up with my fathers nagging about how i cant decide of whats for dinner every night. He expects me to think all the time. He claims to help but all he does is list out the same damn foods that we've been having... Like tuna salad sandwiches. If it wasn't for me he would be eating this almost every night! I already gave him some of his own medicine when I had such strong craving of ribs... Now when I tell him he complains...

I contuine to tell my father that I do suffer from BPD and from severe case of depression but I feel that hes not listening to me. He seems to be blowing me away when I tell him this kind of stuffs. I don't ever encounter him being concern enough to actually do online research about my diagnoses. He complains that I dont tell him what i feel. I wish I can tell him everything that i feel but he just DON'T understand me. How can I feel comfortable with somebody who isn't that concern enough to do research about it? I feel that people do not care about me. I know that I'm not the prettiest woman on earth but I feel that i should have the same respect as anybody else.

I'm not trying to be self centered... Just wonder..
Why hasn't anybody showed any signs of concern about me? I'm not only talking about this forum... Theirs no way im going to pull any of you guys the guilt... Just the people offline whom I thought were my friend.. I haven't recieved any calls from people who haven't heard from me in over a week due to severe depression and infact that i prefer to be alone (I have to because nobody wants to be around me).