Its like festering inside of me. My stomach is getting in knots because I have so much fear of abandonment although, with all honesty, my T wouldn't do that to me..... but it's, not knowing how the session is going to go from there that has me sick to my stomach!
Other feelings at the present moment felt in light of this:
1. Relief: because it will finally be outthere in the air and off of my chest. It wil still be on my mind though.

2. Anxiety: already being panic/anxiety prone... it is an anxious feeling leading up to the battle. Will he look at me like, "you are crazy!" or will he look at me as he always does with warmth and acceptance? Just not knowing the reaction is enough to drive me mad!

3. Rejection: I am well-aware that he and I are on professional, patient/therapist terms legally and I know I will probably never have what I want, with that being said, I don't want him pulling away from me. We have developed a strong-bond, he has cried in front of me because, due to insurance, it was almost cancelled and he said he wasn't gonna lose me. But that was him being empathetic. I HATE being rejected because it spirals me downward, but I am walking into this knowing rejection is what will happen because a relationship between us, legally can't happen. So, I am sure I am gonna be left feeling like crap!

4. Last but not least.......excited because maybe now he and I can figure out where all this is coming from so I can transfer it to whoever I find next. Although I will always have these thoughts for him.

I feel llike a lost-cause