Hey Myzen

I have read and re-read this post and wasnt quite ready to respond until now. Perhaps it's because I would have to admit that "I am difficult" .

Well, not so much anymore. I look back now and see that I have a pretty difficult person all my life but for various reason, of course. I will say that I have not been difficult when it comes to my friends because as a kid and teenager, they were the only ones that I feel cared for me so I was always open and giving with them.

I was extremely difficult when it came to my parents. Moreso with my father as he was abusive beyond words. My mother, well, I was difficult with her as well but always had a soft spot for her and if she pried just right, my walls came down and I was putty in her hands.

I have thought about why I have been so difficult and I think for me, at least, it's because thats how I have always been with pretty much everyone (except friends) but all authority figures, teachers, cops, parents, friends parents. I had no limits.

Even the years leading up to my breakdown were pretty bad as well. I just was always conditioned to be that way. I dont know why. All I know is that now, I am not that way and I feel better for it.

I am at a point in my life now where I have surrounded myself with friends and family who bring the best out in me. I have no reason to be difficult, for the most part. I think that my communication skills are much improved as well, so it is easier for me to open up and explain things so others have a better understanding so I dont appear to be acting "difficult".

Ok, well, I have been typing for a while and I am sure I missed the point a paragraph or two back so I am gonna stop now. LOL

Huggles,

Jen