I miss her so much today that I feel a bit sick. That's all. Trying to sit quietly with this feeling rather than blow it into a three act tragedy with a greek chorus. Trying to let go of the judgements in my head which say I'm pathetic to be struggling on only day 4 of 12. The voices that say I'll always feel this way and never be able to survive without her. The plane skywriting outside my bedroom window that I was stupid to let this happen to me. This feeling just is what it is, and I can still be ok.

Have a big deadline tomorrow morning. T's note this morning says that she's probably in starbucks with a frapuccino, recovering from days of family events and bad coffee So I'm going to pack up my work and take myself to starbucks. I've avoided it so far because I text T from there most days, and I thought it would hurt. But I guess I could turn that around and use it to feel close to her.