I'm just going to throw this out this because this thought came into my mind the other day and it's just raising all these questions.

As some of you might remember I had this therapist who I had a lot of questions about on this board. I ultimately had to give him up or risk never moving forward. I never got a change to resolve the very deep feelings of love or transference I had for him. Also the lid definitely stayed on most of our conflict. But we parted under very bad terms.

I still feel some frustration with the treatment that I had. I still cherish some very angry feelings toward my old T, I realized this the other day, and it might not be that healthy to hold on to that. I am not quite sure if he abandoned me but many of the things he did and said were definitely interpretable as abandonment by me, and maybe that's my personal issues, but I definitely saw it as abandonment. In other ways he rejected me, granted I am not always easy. But also there are just so many questions raised for me by this treatment and so many loose ends that are still following me.

So my question is I guess, should I do it? (Call him and talk about this). I'm not hoping for a reconciliation, honestly honestly I'm not, the little tiny place his old support still has in my heart is crying out for that, but I recognize it's a professional relationship, though if I called, it might help, depending on how mad he still is. There are just so many things that I would want to know. My moving forward doesn't depend on it I guess I'm doing that quite well, but emotionally I'm still on this journey. I am just a big person for solving mysteries, so I'm going to keep trying to puzzle this relationship out, and like it or not it's going to keep affecting the present either way.

So yeah I guess I just want to see how this sounds to other people. My issues with my actual parents and the very very very intense need for this T's approval that I felt in treatment (as if he were a parent) keep leading me back to seeing this as a Very Important thing. Be gentle ok this is a healed wound but still a tender one.