distressed, so sorry you're tangled up with these thoughts and feelings. one of my sons is an actor, SAG, and also an artist. both professions can be up and down. money one day, looking for an audition the next. do you have another skill you can put to use when you're not acting/auditioning, etc? my son does that during a dry spell. he commissions art work.
fear-the only thing to fear is fear itself. it will take up so much mental energy you need to keep. try to live each day with a driven purpose. stay in the moment. projecting the what-ifs is futile.
be sure you have an agent who's sending u out a lot and network with other actors. it is practice if you don't get the part and gives you exposure to the decision makers. are you in LA or NY? i may have some other ideas re where u are. my son was/is in both.
you know u can pm me anytime. i care, friend.