while reading this thread it strikes me how many of us are at some point in our lives. it strikes me how incredibly strong we are even when we don't feel that way about ourselves. we have adversities but have or are willing to strive for better things for our life. many of your replies remind me so much from whence i came. i offer you hope that you can improve. as long as we seek, we will find the answers and be able to change our plight. it may take time but i encourage you to keep at it. i never thought i'd ever get to the place i am now. i had no hope and felt helpless. doomed. i could see no vision of living any other way than i was then. we are here at pc seeking wisdom or helping and supporting others. so we are already striving for peace in our troubled lives. keep the faith.