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Originally Posted by Distressed2010
Hey Open Eyes, thanks so much. You're so sweet! you took the time to break it all down for me. I understand and see most of the stuff you just said. I do agree that the sister is mean and has to be in control. Also her friend that passed the stuff to her is her devotee, everyone says he is in the group as well.. he's always trying to please her.
Also, the guy i like gives her the control, and he likes it that way... I don't feel like he wants the control. she manages his whole career. the parents also like it that way becuase they think the guy is too naive or shy.. etc.. eventhough the guy is elder by like 4 years to her. he's also been taught that no one in the world is above his family.
i will be using online user's techniques to deal with this. the thing is i have to hang with these people. i can't not do it because i'm networking with them. so i better learn to deal with it rather than run away, your'e right there will be all sorts of people everywhere but i suck at playing games and so i suck at identifying them too.
I'm also mad at myself for revealing this stuff to the mutual friend, i knew that he'd pass it around but i still said it because it was bothering me. i had thought he knew something i didn't.
and i still feel that the guy does or did have something for me. but something happened in the middle. idont know how the friend passed on the story to them, and could be that the friend is jealous of this guy because he's got girls around him all the time.. they might be competing.. or anything might be going on which i dont know.
or it could be that he isn't into me.
I'm trying to move on from this, but i keep shifting between feeling ashamed, and liking him and thinking he likes me back and is scared, and him not liking me at all... aagh. sometimes i tell myself forget about him. then 10 mins later i'm thinking about him again.
And i noticed this thing in me. I am really really attracted to guys that have been controlled. for some reason they seem very sweet to me. but then the catch is that they're also being controlled by a stronger force than me, like someone in their family.
I need to know how to control my own mind, since i have a very analytical brain. it sucks.
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Well, Distressed, you are still young you know. I do worry that you seem to feel that these people are your only way of networking to meet others.
I do hope you realize what you are saying, and how that decision will continue to frustrate you. Remember, birds of a feather flock together.
I also have a very anaylitical brain. So I have addressed similar issues and as a matter of fact, I wish that I had someone to explain it to me as I am doing to you. I would have been able to better analyze the situation and it's meaning.
You really have to be careful about putting yourself out there to be used and abused. While you now may be able to see it better, and even try out Onlineusers way of addressing it, I caution that you are still going to feel uncomfortable. And, you may end up being one of those that joins in pleasing the controling entity.
You being attracted to the guys that have been controled is misleading.
The reason why you have feelings for them is two sided. First, you have been controled yourself, and even hurt, and left to feel defenseless. And,
there is also some safety in that you know this other person has been controled somehow which can mean that you may be able to control their relationship with you, it a safety thing for you. But, it is not always very healthy as you may be making up for the mistakes of others and there will be a feeling on his part of not allowing you to fully form a relationship.
Just keep this all in mind and don't forget your notebook. Make sure that you are not continuing to put yourself out there because you have a little low self esteem. You need to work on that, build up some strength. Positive strength that will put you in the place you really want to be Distressed.
Open Eyes
