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Originally Posted by realizer
When i did not understand something i know i should have asked for help from other people but what interest would they have to help me?
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Some years ago, when I'd been online for only a few weeks, I joined a community about as big and active as this one. I noticed some of the other members doing interesting things with links and graphics and decided to ask them how they did it. Somewhat to my surprise I found I actually enjoyed the feeling of asking, leaving it up to them how to respond, accepting whatever happened, and moving on from there. After a few months I even posted (there, not here) that I was glad there
wasn't an onsite manual on technical stuff just because I was having so much fun learning from other members and in turn passing along what I'd learned.
One thing that I'm sure helped my confidence a lot was that I'd already been working with computers for several years and had learned (and forgotten
) how to program and debug in several languages. Although HTML, the Internet, and web browsers were completely new to me, none of it was different in principle from things I was already good at -- and there was no longer any question that I was good at learning things and figuring them out.
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I also was seating with one girl and was shy and uncomfortable to ask her for help. If it was man i would comfortably asked.
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Any idea what that was about for you -- how asking a woman would have been different from asking a man?
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Same is for driving lessons, only to imagine teacher yells at me and calls me stupid because i did not understand him or was confused. Or even if i get my driving license, what will happen if i bumo into other car? Driver will come out angry, start yelling and i will not understand him or be focused on something else and look like a fool... I don't know. I cannot myself imagine how is it driving for me. If i lack attention then how will i be able to spot road signs? Orientate?
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It sounds as if the things you're imagining/expecting are consistently those you'd like the least if they actually happened.
I grew up in a family where nobody drove, everybody was afraid to, and they'd passed their fears along to me. I didn't get my license till I was 22 and when I did, I was thinking all along of different ways I could get in trouble. I'd be unable to remember the rules of the road and fail the written test (only, I maxed it instead
). The instructor would tell me I was hopeless because I wouldn't know where to find second gear, when to step on the clutch, or how far to turn the steering wheel (but he'd worked with lots of students who'd had to learn those same things, and already knew how to avoid panicking them). When I was first driving on my own, I was afraid I'd space out, overlook a "PEDESTRIAN CROSSING" sign, and hit a pedestrian or something. It took me a while to notice that I drove better when I focused on actual road conditions than when I tried to scrupulously read signs and recite regulations to myself.
Some of the fears you mention remind me of a time when I was finishing some work at a house in a nearby city where I don't go very often. I wasn't done yet, it was getting dark, the forecast called for rain, and I was thinking, "Oh, NO!
I'm going to have to drive home over narrow, unfamiliar streets with rain on my windshield and other cars' headlights glaring off the wet road so I can't even see the lane markings!
I'm in trouble now. It was such a mistake to take on this job!"
As it turned out, it wasn't actually raining when I left, I could see just fine, and I had no trouble finding my way home -- but my dire predictions had felt so much more real and, well,
interesting than the actual prosaic outcome.
I didn't answer your poll, by the way. For me, the only possible answer would have been, "It depends."