I wasnt sure to post to this or not, bcause i dont want to say the wrong thing, but u need to know ur not going to feel this way forever. a reason you may be feeling ill is because depression manifests itself physically someway , just a thought. I know ur in a deep dark spot in ur life, but know ur not alone. You are loved, think,,.... think of the people who DO love u,the people who would be devasted if u did commit suicide. I think u need a new T, one who u can talk to and be honest with and they have the means to help u, and I think u need a change of meds, Im no dr but I can see that u have gone downhill lately and u need something to happen and quickly. please focus on getting better and doing what u need to do to get there. There are a lot of people that care about u here, and we are here if u need us,
hugs
Beth