Thank you open eyes so very much for breaking stuff down for me. For now, yes I do have to sort of keep on good terms with them as they really are the onlypeople i can network with.. hopefully as time passes i can establish connections with others and I can sort of distance myself from them...

Also, the fact that all this happened made me really angry and pick up my butt and get to work. I do think about the guy but i'm not gushing over him like i used to.

Now if someone jokes about him and i, i'll just joke back in a sarcastic way, not mean but sarcastic enough and smile... I'm also going to keep an emotional distance from them, not expect validation from them, and its odd, I kind of feel a little more confident today.. and in control.

I feel that I should not feel lesser than them just coz they're trying to make me feel that way. I see their immaturity and meanness now.. and the game you defined above. thanks for that. it opened my eyes.

its odd how all this actually made me more motivated to succeed career-wise..

There's also this issue of whenever I really like someone (which is very rare, VERY very rare), i fall for them immediately as in, I crash in love... and then there are hearts buttterflys and all gooey things around me... and i lose it. I dont understand why i'm like that, but i am.

Also I abstain from having sex, unless i'm in a relationship... and usually i'll have a relationship every two years or so..

its like, when i like someone, i love them, and when i dont like someone, they dont exist for me..