Beth is right--you can't see that there is a better life for you ahead, because of your depression. It's making everything black right now. It WILL get better. Do call your T and ask her to recommend someone for you, and make an emergency appt. for you with that person as you are feeling worse than you have told her. Then if you really get to a bad place, call a suicide hotline. There will be soothing people there who can suggest ways you can cope to get through your bad patch. I've called them a couple of times myself. And you can always come back and write to us here--there is always someone to listen. Sending you hugs!