I wonder what life would be like if we did not have feelings? We tend to not want to feel them because many times they hurt. But what if no one ever felt hurt/pain? Would that really be a better alternative? What if we felt good all the time? Would we even appreciate it?

I am just throwing some stuff out here, because I am on the same page you (and many others) are on. While I am not enjoying this experience at all, I have been thinking about it a lot. Why can't we just allow ourselves to go through it? Why can't we just accept that this is a part of life?

Jesus felt pain, hurt, rejection, loneliness, fear, discouragement, etc.... He set an example for us. He did not deny himself to 'feel'. Somehow it seems that we have gotten things all mixed up. Feeling is actually a good thing. I know that you already know that, but do we believe it?

I wonder how we would feel if we could surrender to it? How do we surrender? That is one question I don't know the answer to. If I (we) knew how to surrender, I am sure we would do that!

As for me, I think I don't surrender because I don't have time to! That sounds odd, but if I allowed myself to totally surrender, I would need a few weeks away from family and friends to process it. While I do realize we need time between sessions to process, I think I would enjoy having therapy every day for a month! I don't mean 50 minute sessions. More like 2 hours sessions everday. That would allow for the shut down period, processing time, crying, talking, etc. Not so much pressure to 'hurry up' and get it all out before the next client shows up!

I guess that makes it sound like an inpatient thing? Spend 30 days in a (safe) mental health place and just focus on ourselves? I can understand why they won't allow you to have any (or limited) contact with anyone on the 'outside'. We would go right back to focusing on everyone else. We tend to feel guilty when we focus on ourselves. At least, I do.

Okay, I bet this did not really address your question at all, but I wanted you to know that I am 'feeling' your pain, and trying to help. I may be drowning in my effort, but I tried.

"Today, I will surrender to my feelings, even the emotionally painful ones. Instead of acting in haste, or attempting to punish someone, I will be vulnerable enough to feel my feelings."