I wonder what life would be like if we did not have feelings? We tend to not want to feel them because many times they hurt. But what if no one ever felt hurt/pain? Would that really be a better alternative? What if we felt good all the time? Would we even appreciate it? good questions......no, we appreciate the good more because we go through the bad. If we only had good, how much would we truly appreciate and enjoy it?!

I am just throwing some stuff out here, because I am on the same page you (and many others) are on. While I am not enjoying this experience at all, I have been thinking about it a lot. Why can't we just allow ourselves to go through it? Why can't we just accept that this is a part of life? I don't know, I wish I could easily accept that instead of spending energy denying it. But then, I did not learn young that it was safe to accept it as a part of life, it wasn't safe to accept it, so I learned to deny and now have to unlearn that. if that makes any sense.....

Jesus felt pain, hurt, rejection, loneliness, fear, discouragement, etc.... He set an example for us. He did not deny himself to 'feel'. Somehow it seems that we have gotten things all mixed up. Feeling is actually a good thing. I know that you already know that, but do we believe it? I like this thought.....Jesus not denying himself to feel.....he felt so much! Both deep joy and deep sorrow and both interwoven.....

I wonder how we would feel if we could surrender to it? How do we surrender? That is one question I don't know the answer to. If I (we) knew how to surrender, I am sure we would do that!

As for me, I think I don't surrender because I don't have time to! That sounds odd, but if I allowed myself to totally surrender, I would need a few weeks away from family and friends to process it. While I do realize we need time between sessions to process, I think I would enjoy having therapy every day for a month! I don't mean 50 minute sessions. More like 2 hours sessions everday. That would allow for the shut down period, processing time, crying, talking, etc. Not so much pressure to 'hurry up' and get it all out before the next client shows up!
I hear you on that, I wish I had more time.....
I guess that makes it sound like an inpatient thing? Spend 30 days in a (safe) mental health place and just focus on ourselves? I can understand why they won't allow you to have any (or limited) contact with anyone on the 'outside'. We would go right back to focusing on everyone else. We tend to feel guilty when we focus on ourselves. At least, I do. I understand this too.....sometimes I think I should go to the hospital....but then who takes care of my 4 kids then while I go off to get all that time to myself?!?!

Okay, I bet this did not really address your question at all, but I wanted you to know that I am 'feeling' your pain, and trying to help. I may be drowning in my effort, but I tried. You did help and I appreciate the effort and appreciate knowing that you do understand my pain and feel it and that others do too.

"Today, I will surrender to my feelings, even the emotionally painful ones. Instead of acting in haste, or attempting to punish someone, I will be vulnerable enough to feel my feelings."