<font color="purple">UGGHHHH!! Just so overwhelemd with life right now! Squabbles at work, too much catting! I am sick, which bites..... My brain is in a freeze of info regarding the deaths of Rachel and Lillian ( my uncles neices that were murdered last weekend) I keep replaying one particular time when we all were togther at her parents house and having a cookout... Then the info that gets thru is crazy stuff, I dont know. My head hurts, the noises wont go away, they are loud. I cant have a conversation b/c it sounds like distorted jibberish to me..... My hubby is having difficulty dealing with the death fo his father ( he passed away this past 9/11 of all days), seeing him hurting is hard, I dont know how to help him...... I want to sleep, but cant, I want to eat but cant..... I am frustrated that so much I allow to control me.... To take up space in my mind, heart and soul. I cant imagine what would be left if I were able to clean out my inner closets. I am angry that I often wish I would get sick or hurt enough to require a hospital stay, isnt that just the sickest thing.... Its to feel loved, that being taken care of feeling that I so strive for, but what is that? Why must I have constant reassurance of these things? shouldnt it be a given or a natural feeling anyway? Shouldnt it be enough that I "know" these things exist ? Now I am juts thinking out loud again.... My throar hurts, my eyes burn, my face is hot, my hands are cold, my back aches, my chest is tight and congested.... and as awful as I feel I am hoping that I am coming down with the flu....!!!!!! My hubby is right, I guess I like attention. I was taking a test, as I am a test junkie, and I decided to ask him the questions to see if we answer the same and to see how he perceives me, and I didnt get mad at him for being honest, I laughed and said, "really" wow that is interesting...

::::::::::::::::::::::::very long pause, info just came to a hault and took a few minutes for me to realize what I am doing:::::::::::::::::::::::::..

Hate when that happens, I costantly forget were I am and what I am doing ..... have to go, cant concentrate, sorry if I dont make sense...........</font>