To tell the truth I get in these moods where I hate myself for having a mental illness. How could I have gone crazy? I used to pride myself on how reasonable and rational and logical I was, then I let my mind completely fool me into believing the most ridiculous things? How could I become deluded? I feel like it is a character defect. I was supposed to be stronger than this. Now I have to take ANTI-PSYCHOTIC medication for CHRISSAKES! Me psychotic? How did that ever happen? Consider yourself lucky that you aren't mentally ill, that you don't suffer of psychosis, that you haven't deluded yourself into believing the craziest things about yourself. I keep wishing that I knew what I did wrong. How did I let this happen to me? It feels awful to be mentally ill. It is completely embarrassing to have to take medications in order not to do and think crazy thoughts. I never thought I'd be this weak. I would love to know why it had to happen to me. I don't blame you for being afraid of being mentally ill. It is the worst blow to my ego that I've ever had. But you are not hearing voices. You are not deluding yourself into believing crazy things about yourself. So be thankful.