Unbelievably, stupidly, I want to call her. I want to tell her how much I'm hurting. I want to tell her how I don't trust her anymore. I want to tell her that I knew this would happen all along and she TRICKED me into believing her and trusting her, only to have her hurt me in the end just as I feared. And I know those are my thoughts and feelings and not the reality of what happened. But, shoot. It sure FEELS real.

I am almost literally fighting with myself. I know calling her won't help. I KNOW IT WON'T HELP. And I am almost overwhelmingly temtped to do it anyway. I can't see how I can sit alone with these feelings.

Damn. Why am I so horrible that no one can handle being in a relationship with me, not even a trained professional? Wow.