I've been thinking about this..... can I make a suggestion?...
not sure if it would be of help but, here goes....

there are times when stress/anxiety can lead us down the negative road-- and sometimes, especially if coming from childhood upsets(like relationship dysfunctions)-- it can be all encompassing, driving our every thought. That "negative" stress can hold us so tight that it's ALL we experience and see. the negative-- we think it's keeping us safe-- focusing on that-- but it's really just keeping us stuck and upset.

..... like take for example-when your parents were at a party and left, driving you and your sister around till you fell asleep and then just returned to the party and layed you both down in a foreign room.... of which you woke up and panicked(understandably so).... as a child it's scary to wake up in a place we don't know.
BUT-- now--
as an adult one could look at it as-- gee the parents were concerned enough to go driving around till the girls fell asleep-- they thought of the girls needing to get their sleep-- that is thoughtful of them. (they could have just slapped them and told them to go lay down somewhere) They did have the child's interest at heart at that moment(maybe NOT the best thing to do but they did have some thought about them)... they just goofed up the end part-- but NOT intentional.

One could look at this situation and just see the panic of the child and think the whole situation was ALL bad. --what bad parents
And yet one could think of the thoughtfulness of the parents leaving the party, getting in the car with kids, driving around till the kids fell asleep then carfully carrying them into a room and laying them on a bed in a nice warm room and think it was ALL good-- what good parents.
just that.......
there is good AND bad here.
As there is with just about EVERY single relationship.(minus horrific abuse, of course)
The work within one's self is to tally up the "good" stuff in a relationship and then tally up the "bad" and if there is more for the good --then it might be worthwhile to give that person a break when they have made a *goof*.
I'm presently working on this-- trying to see the good in the relationship and trying to trust that the bad will be drowned out by the good. It's very hard-- one has to trust a lot.....phew is it ever hard.

fins