I am new to this site, it is my first post. I have lived with bipolar disorder for 30 plus years. I thought I experienced everything, depression, panic attacks, rollar coaster relationships, divorce, remarriage etc, but nEVER THIS.
I recently began to totally FEAR daylight.
I am home most of the time and also deal with chronic pain the result of eleven surgeries on my right knee and a failed knee replacement. I take morphine and prozac, a great cocktail?
I am a retired musician, classical cellest on disability. I have for many years taught music and performed so I was easily able to function day or night. No longer.
I have recently covered all the windows in my small three bedroom home. I try not to even let my dog out when there is sunlight. I no longer can drive due to chronic leg pain, but when I do go out and have friends pick me up it is only at night. All I do is avoid daylight and crave darkness, when I start to function.
I even stay away from rooms that my girlfriend mandates have open windows. The bedroom once she leaves for work goes totally dark, with only a small lamp. The same with my study. When I practice my cello I use a light on my music stand. If I have to put my dog out. I try to get his lead into the house to latch to his collar and shut the door the second he goes out, then the same when I bring him in a few minutes later. I have begun to use lamp light for my two birds as I am afraid that keeping them in the dark all day will harm them. They need a natural cycle. I do not mind lamp type light as much as outdoor light. I can even function with lamps on it is natural outdoor light and views that I am in panic of.
I am seeing my doctor in a few weeks for a med check up, but I wonder if anyone out there has had similar issues. I am so panicked I even check the hours of daylight on charts counting the days until June 21 when the daylight hours begin to shorten. I loved it when it would get dark by 5 p.m., now I have to wait until almost 9 pm to feel safe.
If you have had this experience or similar issues please share with me, as i know this is off the chart and something is going on