okay this is going to create some emotions in me that I shouldn't...but I feel like a fraud which is really what I am...that night dec.17 th 2004...there were not 3 people in the house...the tears are coming...there was 4 ...3 children and 1 adult...the adult was passed out across the bed so I got the children out and as I was going back in...I was at the kitchen just about to crawl threw the door when the ceiling came down right in front of me...through the smoke I could ssee him,,,he must have woke up...he was struggling to breath and yelling for help ....I tried to move the %#@&#! from in front of me but I couldn't...I crawled out just as the rest of it came down...I could hear him and then I couldn't...I tried to get to him but I couldn't...God help me...everytime I close my eyes I see itI should've tried harder...so you see I am not a hero...living with this is killing me slowly I can't seem to function anymore...I don't have the right to be happy but I force myself to smile and even laugh but the guilt is always there ...I've devoloped a very scary attitude toward living...where I used to be cautious about crossing streets I walk right out into the middle of traffic without looking...Ithe anxiety in me is starting so I must go and break down. I just thought I should tell the truth here at least...