The problem is that in my last 3 emails since my most recent session, over 2 weeks ago, I talked about loving my T. I asked her if it was okay to love her, and I sort of said that I did, in my roundabout way. I wrote that I thought it was okay.

I emailed her again before she wrote back, and brought it up again. Then, in her email back to me, she wrote about how she was glad I was having a good time on my vacation with my family, and that she was glad I noticed about not having eye contact with my H or anyone. She said we would work on that.

I then emailed her after about a week telling her what day I would be home so we could set up the session. She emailed back, again not mentioning anything about my questions about love. I started feeling invalidated and ashamed, so I emailed telling her that. This time I point blank asked her why it's not doing therapy via email to talk about my family, but it is to answer my question about love. I said it makes me feel ashamed of my feelings for her and that I think she wishes I wouldn't have any strong feelings for her. I just emailed that today.

It sounds like a lot of emails, but she sent me our agreed upon one per week, and I think I sent 3. So, she owes me one for this week.

I know that I"m getting more than she agreed to, because the "rule" is that she will wish me a good week-end and say something positive. I even brought that up last session and she said she's going to be general and positive in her emails to me. But, I feel vulnerable talking about love, and I don't understand why she can't just say something like "of course it's okay to love me, and we'll talk more about it in the session." In fact, I wrote that exact question in my email to her.

I think my question about it is this. Is she deliberately avoiding anything about my feelings for her in her emails to me? If so, it hurts me to be so vulnerable and not be validated. My T is not like that at all. She has told me over and over that she accepts all of my parts and that I should do the same. I don't think expressing love to her is a problem. That's why I'm confused as to why it's a problem to reassure me with two words: "it's all right" in her email. I don't get it! I just want to know what others think and why she is withholding that reassurance from me.