I fell asleep, and T called. Luckily I had the phone on the pillow next to me, lol.

She said it's not my fault, and I'm not a bad person. She said she failed to set her limits and follow through and that I was just trying to get my needs met. She cares about me and cares about the relationship, and she knows we can work through this. She said something about how I can learn from this and use what I learn in my other relationships. She is still there and I can still call her.

So. I guess she said everything I needed to hear. I don't know how I feel about it, I mean, it's good but I don't feel okay. I don't feel relief. I don't feel calm. I feel numb. My trust is broken and I am not sure whether or how to fix it. I am hoping that my frantic, overwhelming emotions of earlier are done and I will feel better tomorrow.

I know in my head that T is still there but in my heart it is not the same, and this may be the lesson in this whole thing. That it's time to learn to count on me, nobody else. at the very least, I need to not be so invested in someone that them leaving leaves me empty, because everyone inevitably leaves in one way or another.

now, more pills and more sleep. thank you for being with me these past few hours, PC. I truly truly don't know how I would have gotten through it, but it would have been much worse than it was. Thank you.