I think part of what is so confusing about this is that she told me so many times to call if I want to or need to. We have talked a lot about the process I go through when I'm deciding to call her, and she has always said to not think too much about it, just call her and let her sort it out. So then when I finally, finally started doing that...it's not okay.

very confusing. Very hard to think about how hard the next few days are going to be, with all these questions and all these old wounds from my earliest childhood ripped open.