Good for you for not continuing the cycle of abuse! It's hard to try to see things through the eyes of the the ones who have hurt us, but it looks like you are doing a good job at that. Are you in therapy? Sometimes talking about the "victim complex" can help you understand why you feel that way and give you steps to make changes. Good Luck with all of this - it sounds like you have a very good cognitive understanding of your life - have you dealt with the emotional aspect?