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I'm usually very numb- I don't feel anything, ever.
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However, I swear, the night before I go to her? I'm debilitated. I can't function. I dream about it at night... And then in the morning, I can't eat because I'm THAT anxious.
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Therapy brings feelings to the surface to be felt. Quite the opposite of feeling numb, which is a defense/coping mechanism. The tension you feel before therapy is so understandable. Could it be some excitement too?
I'm glad you are generally feeling better. Wondering why you are judging yourself for how long you've been in therapy?
