thank you for being here. i dont know how i got by before pc. just that i was lonely. and i guess so much of my hurt is that the people in my life who should have been there to care for me and protect me werent.
i'm trying to put the wrecking ball away for a while. i've been drinking too much, pushing people out of my life with all the strength i can muster, and going through every day like there is no future anyway so why bother. i dont want to be that person. i hate that i always give up the things that mean the most to me. had this terrible urge all morning to call one of the few remaining people in my life who actually cares and say go away already. so i put the phone in my car and i'm sitting here, typing this, resisting the urge to destroy destroy destroy. thank you for listening.