Going through a lot of difficult emotions today. I've been writing out a lot of the things I want to say to t, just to try to get it out of my head. I actually downloaded an app for my phone that allowed me to block myself from calling or texting her, because when those waves if emotion come I am almost overwhelmed with the urge to let her know how this is affecting me and what I'm going through. And I know that doing that will not help, only make me disgusted with myself for my weakness.

So that's where I'm at with it right now. I have serious doubts about whether my trust in t can be repaired. I think in some ways I am in shock, feeling that I have lost Ts support so suddenly and completely. I find myself thinking that if I had any self respect I would end the relationship now and not give her more opportunity to hurt me. I keep reminding myself of what tree said: I don't have to decide anything right now.

There is more I would like to say about a couple specific comments, I will come back when I have more time.