I picked internalizer because that's always the way I have seen it, and it's still what I relate to. However, T has informed me that I actually externalize more. When talking to her at least I tend to complain about other people a lot. Since she pointed that out, I have been trying (mostly unsuccessfully) to shift it the other direction. I'd rather think that I direct my destructiveness toward myself, because self-destruction seems acceptable to me. I can't deal with the idea that I might be hurting other people, and it seems really irresponsible to be blaming others for my problems, but I apparently do.