Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
poetgirl, but I HATE the boundaries. I know that's a child part talking, or maybe not, but I am angry thinking about it. So maybe I'm starting to feel a lot of anger. Maybe I do feel more than I think I feel (in reference to your thread about feelings). I DON'T think it's acceptable to love my T. Rationally I know it's okay, but parts of me keep saying NO, it's not okay (even if it has nothing to do with sex) to love her. I don't know why I feel ashamed of those feelings, but I do.
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Oh, rainbow, I understand about HATING boundaries, I do too......that, I think, is some of the borderline in me! I wish I could have what I wanted, what I haven't been able to have and feel like would be OK to have and feel like I need....yet it is beyond T's boundaries now (ie, the hugs and no more of them!) and I have to be respectful of that and accept in a mature way. And not try to badger, bother, bug her about it......I can see where i have been manipulative, not maliciously, but manipulative nonetheless, because I feel so needy and so ashamed and afraid and vulnerable in my need.
It is OK for me to want hugs, but I have to accept that I won't get them from T, and I am trying to - but grieving it. In the same way, you need to accept that it is OK to love T, she says it is OK, yet it is outside her boundaries to say so in email - your child parts need to accept that, too, and not try to push T into more! But it's also OK to allow yourself grief, to allow those parts of you that need to, to grieve that there ARE those boundaries that hurt......sometimes grief is part of the acceptance process.
Somehow I feel I don't make sense, so tell me if it sounds like I am in left field!
