This thread brings up a lot for me. I think for anyone who has Borderline Personality Disorder, the word manipulative is used in a way that stigmatises the condition so badly. I have learned a lot about why this is and having the condition myself I have educated myself on it and how it appears to others etc.

I cannot deny I have not been manipulative at times in the past, I have. However the word manipulative seems so sneaky, so nasty, so intentional to hurt others. What about unintentional manipulation? What if inside you feel like if you dont do something you will suffer something so awful you cannot even put it into words and so you do what you feel you have to survive, it's like you have to do it, like an addiction driving you to do anything you have to just so you can stop that agony......sometimes that is something like telling someone how awful you feel due to their actions because you need them to understand...but then you are seen as manipulative???

But to you, you werent setting out to hurt or do damage...you just wanted to stop hurting??

A lot of people may react badly to my post and I am not saying that it is not possible to control negtive coping mechanisms, of course it is, with a hell of a lot of hard work but I think manipulation is such a strong word, filled with connotations of intention.

Someone said that the difference between manipulation and getting needs met is being open about it and I think this is completely true, I couldnt have worded it better myself...however, looking at rainbows situation - what stopped the therapist being honest and saying in her reply "I dont think its rightto answer this via email, it crosses boundaries etc"- were is the openess and honesty in not answering the question at all when you clearly know your going to cause someone turmoil? You could argue that she had already set the boundary, but rainbow is the client, why could she have reminded him?

I dont think Rainbow was trying to intentionally manipulate anyone, even if it appears that way to some.